harmony

harmony comes from hope
hope is spread
like seeds flying in the wind

hope is the first step to the universe
to caress the dreams saved in a big ocean

its possible, just happen you need to believe
believe

in hope.

Without Witness

At 3pm the sun raised the heat like a fire
I Though, as a child, that heat turned the people crazy
I saw from behind the fence men getting into figths
yelling and treathening each other
and everytime I thought it was sad, mad,
so real to be a dream
the suns heat..

But inside that tall fence,
I saw him scratching my mother with a fork
through the kitchen glass
this pain in my head will die with me
I stop feeling, I stop believing
I cant bear the sadness of becoming a witness
even if, there are days when I think Im going to make it

that sunny days of my life
keep burning like the bottom of hell
inside this heart I could be happy to rip off me

One day without witness
I crossed his door speaking with a strange voice
a voice who wasnt mine, strong and breaked,
feeling like living in a dream
I wanted him to listen, to know how wrong he was
but he slammed my arm with the buckle
cruel, sadistic, evil.
he slammed my spirit with pictures of memories
living memories that never go away


he was the sun, he was the heat
I was the witness
he was the sum of all the rage in the world.

Later

Later, she used to say all the time
she the mother of rejection
that woman in the very bussy eyes
yes,
she the one killer of the promises
got me lost in her ocean of lying truth
in her unfilled desire for control
that lady, is the song nobody sang to me
is an answer I had couldnt take from her
without lying.

she IS the lady
the ultimate lady that cries and lie
she is a living emotion inside of me
a void emotion, so were her words
a reminder emotion of who Im not
that priceless lady

Later,
Is what they take me for
may pick this life anytime
anytime but today
anytime but now
anytime in the infinite end of a black hole

So he said, later, when said any
He was gone, I had a door in front of me
a box of noises coming from his car
from the sound of his italian shoes
he loved most than ever do to me

Later,
the door I had to close whenever they left
but he even never own any eyes
eyes I could longed to chat with
he was the end of the magic
he was the end for the dreamings
he was the murderer of the pink ocean
and the velvet skies

He killed the unicorns with a belt
He destroyed the fantasy land
and forbiden all to talk about it...

He was a door.
man in the words saying
Im not there.

while she was a purse
the perfect lady that would say
You are not there,
because you do all wrong.

Hidden playground

Strange, misterious criture,
was my mistake your presence in this world?
was it, instead, the best of my spells?

What is it that captivate your thougths so deeply
that keep having your voice held in silence
staring something I never see
What do you see, my angel?

Why you dont like to tell people the secrets of your heart?
why I cant figure out where is your playground?
I can only love you this much..

If you play with your hands
and your world seems warm enough for you
quiet and misterious,
keep playing my baby, lets stay together,
lets be close to enjoy the silence,
I will look at you and know must be nice there
nice as you are

I will wait, close to you, where I am..
I will wait one millions lifes for you,
hughing without words,

I will share,
understanding with the heart
not with the thoughts
because your world is hidden and
maybe Im affraid to let you go
because is scary the unknown

Because is more scary not having you around.

Spins

Outside my shell,
the world is not scary
it has temptations and atractions
it has entries to go in
doors to leave whenever you get bored,
the world is exciting when you know how to join in
when you have your strategy and play the game easy way

I still believe in the worlds excitement
only I have lost the faith to make this my goal
the more betrayal, the more dirt you find is not fun
thats why I locked up my heart and reasoning long time ago
whenever played my last try and loose the chance to feel any truth
I have wasted tons of time trying to reach that peoples souls
to embrace their humanity
dont feel like trying again

I dont believe they have human eyes anymore
In their minds fair play is another slogan
is all about stairs,
you shape the step when the target is something else
is about wins and loses
is about climbing the rigth people
until get the top of the crowd

this shallow world made of fools dreamings
I dont need
feel like got to quit
this is how I am,
all or nothing
painless
deep truth or forget about it

Glad

He stayed away
didnt crossed my door
awaiting in doubt and fear
there I was alone

But, nothing happened
so Im glad
there is a division
a wall out there
glad he noticed and stayed away
and Im getting my life back

Hope this last
Im glad

DULL

Not glow, or shine

Overcast, boring

Im knitting the storm outside

and the laces with the snow make a composition

taking patterns, randomly, not having a clue.

But all this effort is taking US where, 

Where, the time and I, pretend theres a treasure hide in our labor

only for the colors, the hallucinating shapes, 

breed from the sadness

and tie around loops until all conscious no longer exists

All notion disappear in a twinkle, all but the thread and the stubborn stitches

they all know where are going

Inhumane composition, emotional flow drived away

Its about my dull heart, my dull soul

glowing on something else than me.

Good Bye Grandma

You and I,
we were two of a diferent kind,
but same specie,
people said we were alike
and I was meant to grow and be just like you

And that was a curse..

And for many years in my life
I put distance between me and those words
to denied the chance to resemble any of you
because I felt I was ashamed by your behavior
because You crossed that line so many times
and everytime your anger and sorrow blew up to shock
I was certain that she was not you,
she was the confusion, I knew you felt guilty for

You were for real, deep inside, other grandma..


but the words and curses people threw away
sometimes are true, become alive
when the instinct tells you so,
You know is happening
I been follow your steps..

here I am, grandma,
your resemblance, the tragedy
the ultimate final for people pretentions
with the guns and the bullets in a garbage can
just like you,
empty of rebellion
wasted and waiting,
just like you

Its the curse

Soon is over for you
now that you left
the curse has stoped playing with your feelings
so you are flying away to be happy

Im the one you forgot in here,
looking at your closed eyes
praying the lord for your soul
coming to understand your nigthmare
But your war was too much for one soldier

Pushed into your figth
Im taking your war with me
your figthing time wich is alive
alive inside my head
like a virus infecting my sanity
Never guessed to become so strong as you
I may not be even white enough
to fit the world you left behind
But I stil wonder if you liked me for real

You said this is not a happiness harvest valley
and I believe your words
we cant hope a big ending
is all for nothing
to reach that something

Now is time for me to say good bye
So I say good bye, good bye unforgetable grandma,
I apologize and I forgive you
No less really means more.

In the middle

Life is a matter of forces
forces acting on us to pull and push
forces pulling parts of one at opossite directions
and yet we find the way to hold together
struggling to hold together
one minute before breaking
then comes pain
and suffer
and we are not capable to see the enemy
only to feel their force

there are instants where
i feel millions of hands
angry and rageous
trying to destroy my unit

I must look confused
without having a clue of
what is must to be done

if I go this path
and ignore the others
I miss the things I left behind
If I let the path talk for itself,
it may convince me
this is convinient, but I doubt
I doubt so much.

You are in the middle of a crowd
where everybody stares at you
wants to take, waits the chance

It can happens that the crowd is not extrange for you
it has members and they are close enough
have names and faces
its been like sharing time for so long with them

they waits for a piece of you
or the whole you on a golden tray

The problem is still
you doubt is true what they are selling
you doubt their motivations are not stain
I should be listening to me..
but when I do
Im still in silence.

Dark Ecstasy

Me and Them,
like a separate things
Like two sides cant join together

Slide In
Carry On the whole you with the first impulse
Slide into the crowd
feel those arms around you
squeeze your body, so tight
devouring your breath
let them fool you,
let them taste a bit of you
just slide

remember this,
you will always come back.

skinny memories

Behind the blindness
the dream never dies,
starving day after day
having no reward
other than vanity for this sadistic behavior
I see Me, my own predator.

We were a union for destruction, I admit
she and I,
two people that destiny put together
friends on one side, enemies on behind
we were partners in life and our efforts were taking us to death
hilarious, delusional our world
feeling like a couple of fairies
fairies forever young and forever perfect
two never-land`s children, there, pretentious
weak Cinderella`s, feeding ourselves with sights
that and compliments,
she and I
sisters in life, in death

Was I becoming beautiful?

That was my eternal question

Hiding my need to feel loved
and fit for somebody that truly cared
wishing to belong to something
wishing to stop wandering streets
wishing to stop picking problems everywhere

All I did was to roll over
In search of dates and fame
Cared too much about men attention
Neither that made me happy or beautiful
How come a fairy would survive
this magazine world without admirers.

I wanted to become a magnet
the envy for woman
Me, the narcissism, the self-love
the blindness of desperation
Me, the loneliness
Me, the silence
Me, the exquisite pearl of sweetness
diving into the mod
Me, the sophistication
drowning in a trashy world I made me go In

And after all the days and nights feeling
close to die
becoming this fragile and useless
I learned that Men do not make fairies beautiful

I were beautiful all the time but did not knew
I had on me, all I ever needed, all the time.

Old fashion love

Along several years in my life
I was having love stages
I dont know if there is such a thing
but I felt it that way
in stages and waves love

for start I was standing on worship love
idealization, blindness
taking the challenge to make this reach its perfection.

I was looking through someone else`s eyes
I was thinking with someone else`s brain

ending up with living someone else`s life too.

And when you reach the bottom of self sacrifice
in the holly name of love
and hit the floor with the head
then you got to wake up..

Then horrified, for the first time allowed myself to look at the chains..
to smell the misery of the person I was become
allowed me to accept I may be not that happy..
and I couldnt find a reason, to deserve my own life

I fell into a spiral phase,
sliding to the confusion,
the fear to make a new world for me
the one with oxygen

So wisely, Anthony de Mello`s wrotes the food I starved
To understand I cant put my happines depending on people, and things,
dates, events, excuses. Its not out there..
My heart belongs to me and I cant live without it
so that I must have it, not give it away
If the suffer comes from where Im not the guardian of my own heart
holding pieces of neglect towards myself


happiness lies inside me,
and everything I will ever need,
so there is no sacrifice
Sacrifice was a bad word, that means you do things without love
means that someone suffers.

There is no love without freedom,
no love to grow around fear and pressure

That I have drop the desire for bending reality
for covering my eyes and saying the evil lie:
Im sacrificing for you, my love.

Drawing lines

drawing lines
drawing figures in my dreams
build them without problems its not possible
build them its my pleasure
I can build my visions
details are so important
im taking a zoom very closer
Im crumbling in every bone
but, my soul is excited impossible turn off this feeling
build this, is a world made of traces and colors.

Second Class People

Ana was defined by her apearance
in a way a woman is defined by the image she sell the world,
selling herself all of the rest of women,
all of the rest of men
by the status given by the people
in a label they stick with our price
in a place where people is all and nobody
is a heartless crowd without a face
a mouth with tons of tooth

Ana is constantly excusing herself
taking the last turn
taking less than she deserve
playing strategies,
acting roles and setting phrases in all scenarios

But the sum of all efforts is not always equal to success
nor the sum of all successes leads to happiness
and for her sucess and happiness are the same word, company.

Lack of appeal, is the diagnosed disease she has.
The kind of appeal, so surreal and mad
like an enchantment potion in a way of magic
that others can display easily
like a password code onto peoples minds
and make them hallucinate for being around them

Yes, that kind of magic
can buy a world of followers for free
stoned-fans virtually blinded about their mistakes and imperfections..

But there are two sides on a story,
if you dont own the enchantment..
she is being condemned to the isolation and hostility
is another excluded for no reason,
invisible, discarded after
one sight or two

She is a second class people
forced to keep haunting attention,
drawing strategies, tools,
working on a second job of
having some image to improve

Only for them to know she is already there.

Happy birthday under the tree

The only few faces i missed the most
cant celebrate with me..
this is a narrow birthday on a deadline
blowing candles isnt really who I am
but they are invited anyway..sort of.
On a number of pictures, what a treasure
for a big day as is today
Curious.. along certain length of time
pictures really caption the best and the worst from people
the best and the worst in a tinny spot
held and frozen, for you to have that time always

and so I have the people, I had them...
I know they are lost, Im not grieved
they are in my pocket
that is how I should remember those folks
along the best time of my life

Some of those change in time
friends turns out into monsters
Im sure they wouldnt bother
to come into my place today

But here they are
all of them,
sort of..
In some corner, there are still
and the candles still waiting for me to blow them.

was just a dog

was just a dog, my brown caramel maltes
One crazy day you were at home,
so tinny, adventurous, powerful, original
You make everyone questioning if you were a dog for real.
It was impossible not to appeal to you
surreal fur pet, yet incredible human eyes
human in every detail

flying birds haunter
snakes killer
cows biter
stunning swimmer, runner
you chased the most strangest critures
bats, cats or gooses, ducks, and chickens


More than feeding you,
More than watching you grow
it was a life sharing

I was empty but you gave me a soul for free
you protected me against all without fear
is it possible deeper affection, deeper gratitude?
You loved me beyond sacrifice, beyond death itself
You owe a place within me, and remains there everywhere I go

We hide and felt the same fears
we faced the same enemies all the time

With you I had a soul..
I had a cloud and a sun
I had a gun and a nirvana, both.
I had a place under the stars, so much close to home
I had a window and a way of paradise

was just a dog, they said
but you sacrificed your life
with this bravery of yours
and took my place in heavens book
never really could tell anyhow
thank you.

but you were just a dog
and I had to cry in silence
berry you in the bottom of this soul you gave me
and close the window
to stop looking at the landscape without you

I miss you my friend,
No one has or will never in a tousand years
keep loving me to the end.

Breaking Bounds

This is the, how and when, our lasting friendship
passed out carved by a mortal illness
painfully failed the effort to find a cure for it
never worth it so far

I can travel back in time
shake hands with the person I was bounded
there again, one midnight dream drags me to your shore
force me to pursue and recall your memories
and then, I feel this nice feeling over and over
like a fresh waterfall falling
pine scent and vanilla around us
we look fine, balanced, as if the future is pure gold
but we dont bother to rush into it
just waiting, plenty of time, willing to stay hour after hour
just speaking along, this crystalline conversation, planning, dreaming
dreaming with the words, inside this dream
knowing your words fit my thougths so rigth
and my voice seems to fill your needs also
while the world is made of sugar cotton,
a place with tousands of doors and windows
millions of roads, places and directions
Knowing I guess, that we have each other
for all we care, we discover us, there, that power.

But your blade is there reaching for my soul
bleeding over your hands

Spring butterflies flying away,
that floor melts away,
and you turns back at me,
walking to your own sunrise,
after the future,
struggling to chase it without missing no part
suddenly, before the dark.

If I die someday

IF I die someday,
If is God willing and take the life off me,
If there is no fix,
no medicine to keep me back again
nobody awaiting for me
nobody truly in love with me
because there will be something for replacing me
and all or nothing should be enough
to keep them reminding me
my lost wont change their life forever
it will be just a change all the sudden
and they will fit secretly like they have done already

If I die, and there is a way to keep an eye over
I know I wont wish my son to suffer,
I know I wont wish my son to cry for me
to miss for me, to get weak and fragile
No, I beg the lord for mercy
To Hold On a little bit more,
Just for Him.

she is gone

she died.

Nobody expected to
was her corp on a small cage in silence
and her face was glowing just the same
like she is sleeping now,
and must wake up then, someday, somehow

Your torment and pain is behind, dont exist in the place you are flying
looking like a teen virgin,
unbound from your worries
but I felt there was something about you
that made me cry that afternoon

Was it because the house were dark and cold
and you had no flowers,
no people staring at you saying good bye,
saying I love you,
or how they will feel your lost

But it doesnt matter,
you wont suffer their slight
you left flying so beautiful
like a tousand of monalisas all together
pure, saint, graceful in your way out

Im sorry we never met
one of those many days I wasted the chance
and saw you walking in the forest
notice you were there, kind a needed soul wandering

I wanted to talk with you then,
I wanted to say anything and help you get better
but I didnt, I reserved my thoughts to myself
and watched you leave alone, without one complaint

I wanted to know your name
and wished be able to called you friend,
would my efforts could have made a difference for you?,
would they?

But I just quited on that,
I gave up and held my distance at last
not knowing the words to open the gates
to your world,
Not knowing the secret words, Not knowing if I was welcome to pronounce them

Life Irony,
two alone worlds crushing one next another
it could have been our medicine
a bridge to some happiness, some company

Good Bye beautiful,
wherever you are, Im sorry for the misery around you
and for all the irony and selfishness among the people of yours
who never gave you a reason to stay

Good bye painting fairy,
poetry reader, fantasy architect
wish you to find the magic universe you searched for
beyond the walls of this inhumanoid playground.

Ice Guy

Ice Guy, dont hear me
whenever I need to be cheer
he pushes me away

Dont read at my words
dont try to help
dont try to be nice

Never care what Im going through
seems so stupid
having company but being alone
all I have is a long road of complaints
and the void sound of his rudeness

bouncing in my ears

Ice guy, trapped at his own world of issues
so bussy to care
even when he rest, is bussy
even when he deliver a valentines present
is bussy
in a rush to nowhere

perhaps is affraid to admit
he wants to undone what cant be undone
lost little bunny running to the forest
where is the forest?

shells

sand.
we sat on the sand. we look at the beach
we look were the ocean fades away
I stare at you
your face dont stare back at me
but your eyes are lost and fading like the ocean
you do some moves, annoyed
still holding your lips tight,
keeping that image strong, tough enough
angry and rageous like usual
In a continuous battle against tousands of ghosts
I cant see

Irritated, furious, yet calm.
impassive leaving your hopes wrapped
in the mistery of the space and time coming to last
But today enjoyable, only this afternoon sun hours
without leaving a promise for tomorrow

Ocationally you stare at me briefly
and you dont like what you see
having all the fantasy with other women
going your eyes and desire after them
leaving my hopes inside the shells
under the tousand shells spread over the sand
they cover also my embarrasment

In the back of your mind,
that tinny moment you consider me
spot all the imperfections that complete my look
breaking the time, avoiding tenderness
just saying, dont want you anymore
And my heart breaks among the shells
want to drawn
get burn under the sun´s heat


You compare, dislike, figth battles
inside your head with all the doors closed
and the windows
without me, alone in the outside,
alone on the inside
sitting along with this small piece of men
who battles so badly to become bigger
to impress the world,
to enjoy his success alone without me


The sand is warm and this few hours are a picture
along aside someone that never share
so we share the silence anyway
I know I wont try to understand this swings of yours
The truth you hide from me
that Im held into this blindness
by the wall in between us
by those bricks that swallow my words
and the questions you never answer me back

is your world aside
the room is closed to me
you will always be angry
angry at the things i got to offer
my places, my tastes, my music jam

Its like you are passing time
awaiting hours before someting comming
someting bigger than me
that probably will bury me among your lost memories
Yet this sun afternoon of my life
I pretend I dont know
Im here for you,
sitting along the shells
diving my tears
into the tears from the ocean.

Flipping

Flipping me on the air
your scent made me walk your trace
under a witch craft, delusion
delusion

As if I were your life savior
delusion on you
How could this be?
there is no power 0n me
the kind of power you are believing

Im buying your charm
delusion on me,
you dont sell the enchantment Im believing
I let this happpen,
short disconnection, small oasis
through the mirror your scent tempting my senses
I cant resist,
Giving you the vision in your dreams
in a cynical way
Because I may already...gone bored
feeling like flying away
flipping another direction

silky swing of yours,
my delusion is to believe
there is some magic on you
thirty second delusion,
a tinny minute from a whole valentine´s day