Scape

witness,
watching all goes wrong
Oblivious to insults and adversity
impassive, unemotional
insensitive, so deprived
immortal yet so alike to a corp

commands, dutties
inhumanoid, becoming desensitized
automaton delivering obedience
void of sparkle
laugh off, sad.

scape, sweet escape
he escape to fight another day

Afterlife

Sing for me the song we heard once
lets pretend one more time we care each other, like then
when you lied the lie
I bought from your lips
crushing on me, faking that tender words

Lie after lie, I did change to adapt your ways
killing myself to fit the lie
knowing this chance might not be enjoyable
putting aside my warning signs,
I pulled the gun against my head and blew it

now, we are just exhausted
If you dream to get ride of this lifetime with me
so easy.

Near by your hand,
along aside your narrow promises, one step to go
finding another one, fresh meat to ease the pain
or that old one who never trusted your lies
a new beginning for an old newer journey

sad.
sweet and bitter,
sliding down my skin,
I didnt believe but that night
I bought the lie that buried me,
blinding myself with desperation
I suicide.
Im dead.

This is the afterlife
black confusion
a space for living without hopes
keepin on the living untruth
instead discovering who you are
reading that cold eyes of yours
without stare at them for real
living the afterlife safe way
not to find after all, my fears took place already
in the reality I figth to distort
to live my confusion,
to ignore, forget and forgive

I choose not to know who you are
the kind of men you shapes
master of the mistery and sorrow,
so far away of my kingdom
just kept playing lies,
lets drank together
Ill take the blame alone later
You gave me the smoking charming of yours and I flew
Its done.

lets play the fool again, and sing..
having oil and water, burning
It wasnt pleasant, It could have been
burned and creep from the very first time

This is my afterlife.

Knowing Myself

Yesterday I was breeze over the grass
without a shape, without an age
without a time, without a land
without a purpose, without knowing the power of blowing

Blowing all over the green
the sorrow felt for the luck`s rejection towards myself
and the question`s pile unanswered dragged
things undone, life undone


All the sudden,
the breeze shapes into a tornado
feeling the power within itself
taking back the time and age
and purpose
in order, sequence, and harmony

from a positive thinking
just one happy feeling keeping in mind
brought the chaos to an end
buried among all the things I felt IMPOSIBLE

There is not fun in being such a breeze
being everywhere without never landing anywhere
seeing all, reaching nothing
being too high for peoples hands
alone aside with all its arrogance
proud but lonely

breeze is nonsense
owner of my freedom shaping things
so compromise,
building the line of every day doors I can open
with the key I own,
retracing steps leading to my destiny

Beat

be silenced,
grow a wild seed
that dont turns against you
we dare and get beat every time


I wont listen at you,
or some attitude
gettin harder to compromise
free spirits dont fit their dreamed land

open highways to anywhere
with my name on it
I may want to go
dare,
sick enough of my boundaries
few old chains

want to join life excitement
without payin the price
just a couple of choices to make
not tricky tramp this time
stay away from me
Because Im leaving

Say mom I love her
hating her has consumed my heart
so I got to beat with something else
your money is roped around my old skin
fallen

Dont worry for me
love is in every corner
it has price and menu
but Ill follow the line
along the north way road
above the rain and ligths
I know where Im going this time

Clowns

Khalil Gibran said once,
he was crazy, and how he became into this mad man

Someone stole his masks,
forced him to face the world
showing his truth and naked

and the price for the truth is high
meant that being rigth you are wrong
labeled, outcast, missunderstood
the untruth is in everyone
Is a must, for them to pretend be someone
performing a role, in a life play
wearing lies
wearing masks

But life is not a play
nor a TV fantasy

Today I dare look at the sun unmasked
standing at people faces with all my truth
taking names for the sin of perform different
so different to others

Im crazy too
I like me unmasked
one face man living rigth
among many millions of laughing clowns.

The Bottom

the bottom is the yellow floor im standing these days
Is the yellow bubble im swimming through

I always knew my life wasnt going to be fun
but never imagine how unfortunate and senseless
giving the new day another try
I was the fish under the gravel
Never really understood

They played with me like a toy
betrayed every trust I intended to built
chasing and pushing, bulling their own kind
just kept giving my life another chance


I learned to lie and run, to hide and survive
at the edge of a borderline`s rules
They showed me to revenge and yell,
to hit and hate, to destroy without feeling guilt
and every new day I kept saying this is a new beginning

I was bouncing, they were laughing
I was crying inside, they told me that is for weak minded people
But that tears meant I was getting stronger

I used to scratch the scales over my skin to feel
To find out if I was going to wake up someday
tinny useless criture, made me feel
I was damage
and still, capable to find the energy to one more battle
just one more..

Meat for a nigthmare never ends, chasing me forever
No way out, no way in leading to my world
but the marks Im leaving behind me
opens the world bite by bite
A litle bit ahead, little by little

I was the fish under the gravel
was swimming in a kept piece of water
you made for me to last an eternity
Im reaching the end

I think I cannot thank you enough
to closing the doors and windows for me
to slaping my face and telling me
I wasnt that one you wanted
I wasnt good, I wasnt real
I wasnt supossed to happen
but I did, and I conquer

I never saw the scars until now
I had the wounds and the pain but didnt know
You wished so much I could vanished
to make your lifes happier and easier

I made your wishes come true
And now I free myelf at last.

the call

So you call finally

Its been months and years
desperately seeking a way out
knowing after all you wouldnt forget about me
and you did

You did, I simply wasnt ready to understand
but the call is so alike you
screw you, nothing else to say
Im so over you, over this,
nothing matters anymore

thougth I was about to get crazy mad
such a rage, earthquake 9 grade
every road inside me went broke
nobody survived
Im empty

Jesus, How could I made you see?
I was become so useful thing whenever you wanted to
If everybody turned against you
I was there for you, against them, against my own conscious
Loosing myself, crashing against the world
and the wounds were up to me,
never allowing you to look at them,
wounds were for free, me a gift
Only,keeping that memory of your smile
enough to the bones, knowing you were happy
If you were lost, i was the bridge
it was nothing you could walk all over me
behind my distorted eyes, I was looking at you from a dream
eyes closed, sleepy reasoning
so alike to love

screw you! and everything
Have said enough lies to myself
You are not the innocent criture you told them so
frozen, selfish heart taker
cant you see life is a both ways path?
someday you must give something

Now you call, seeking for understanding
screw you!
seeking for someone to keep cheering up at you
why dont you call your momma instead?

Dont fool yourself, Im not mad anymore
Im so over you,
Im just amaze with all this nonsense show of you
Your account is finally closed my friend
and Im about to flew
disappear, erase from your records
helpless task is survive understanding you
filling up your atention desire

There is nothing left to take away from me.

sharp

edged is the path leading to you
when I come to you I bleed
when you come to me I make you bleed
and I like it
I hate you
you hate me
but we must end this bloody compromise with blood

You are an stranger, so stranger
Im the stranger for you
In the table kichen we sat
but we dont look at each other faces
we are grieved, bitter
we hear but we dont listen
I do speak but whatever it takes so you leave sooner

You do speak, outside from our reality
You do speak, outside from US

Your perform is every day quite perfect
You force yourself to like me
I force myself to forget sometimes I want you dead
a bit more than I would like to see me dead myself

Im a liar, you are twice
Im a liar because my words dont fit your reality
and you are too selfish to look into mine


You are a dream killer
You are the edged side of my life

accidental

I been listening those darky songs again
six hours felt like nothing
I was thinking the other day
you told things you dont sorry for
I only wanted someone to share
to share the dirt like we share the stupid smileys

I know the picture of my days is unknown for you
thats why Im this lonely
when Im nothing but another stupid drama queen
you hate, having loose if you ever had
your tree quarters of patience
I see Im this lonely

And the music bouncing taste so sweet
sad to say is the only bound left with life
and perhaps, is void and stupid like me
Because I havent drop the golden chain
no matter the half of my life im giving, this sentence
I wish I could drop it, berry it under the ocean
it seems too late to make it back, undone

Im dead already, and you will lay with a corp
and the chain will tigth you somehow
you will never have me.

BUBBLE DREAM

29,SEPTEMBER 2005

By Zen Riley


Ligths are gone,
I feel going small among the people and because the silence,
Any moment something may happen in the theater
a loony guy could loose his mind and shoot people around
yet things like that only happens to few..
I see myself smiling sligthly weird,
like I know what others dont
silly me, almost tell too loud.
souldnt talk in here no doubt
yet the theater appears to me so bored...

Im waiting in meanwhile,
guessing things, searching around
a guy in the stage all white dress shows
naked feets, softly walking
smiling..
for a moment he may be sitting besides me
inviting me to leave rigth now, it may happens
What should I answer, "Im ready", "why did you took so long?"
dont you know we are thinking the same?

I stare at his hands,
the world is melting down
people has gone, did you?..

Dream in a bubble
Never last enough
My door is always opens and ligthed up
but lonely
Me a child, seeing, slowly moving
between faces, places, styles
stick in one belief
that kind of things may happens
but sometimes your not the only one
some one else has taken your lucky coin
and you are out of the game

Still with you Im falling
remember you is messing up with my head,
Im ready, I always did, cant we just runaway?
My heart stands, is fired like a living flame
but bleeding,
this one way road sometimes gets too heavy
If I just could end this last cigarrete, Will you coming then?

My world is full of magic stages,
what can went wrong?
if you think Im not enough, wrong you are, so mistaken
Dont let me waiting, too much stand in this life corner,

Nigth feels like the basement im stick with,
Im seeing at the stars, I can feel how close you are
your brigth serenity if my fingers grabs on the wind
I know you can jump into my dreamings, when i go to sleep we met
Im crazy in love with you, havent you realized?
but when I try to tell I open my eyes and you are gone
gone away from my escence, not good for you,
i can smell my poison everywhere it is
so much sinner like I,
an eternity of breaken promises
but if you come back, your energy fills, Kept me alive.

Remember?, i draw you a hand over the windows dust
calling that moment, and the day after, and so on
You came with the moonligth over my window
your ligth just came on dry my tears,
brougth me iron all over not to feel
to hold on,thinking beyond the ocean or alike excuse,
or a thougth in between,for the time in between,
screwed me, war into my pockets
brake the mirror, on my very hands
bitter inside to death
there`s something physicall between us
and a world of people, and an universe of spirits
and maybe, a couple of sad eyes, yours and mines

NO BODY IS LISTENING

29, SEPTEMBER 2005


I speak to the city sounds
to the silenced walls staring at my shades
My words are taken by the void
Because they harm sometimes
they are unusual and foreign for being spoken

When the nigth comes
And I ligth the canddles on
beautiful it is,
though,
Get lost in the stars
Set the table, serve the wine
knowing Im filled with this armony, Im fine
Everything in its place,
feeling this way rigth,
But How bored must be,
People likes to living wild
there is nothing wild about me but my own mind
How insultant, vane and pride
so the door remains alone
now and forever leaves at my wall

Another speeded man turn the corner over and disappear
Again I turn back my eyes and hold my look
to see if someone is coming after
Instead i realize how mistaken I can be
How mad, How desperate, how stubbornly
search and destroy myself
hoping to find those eyes that cares everything
that maybe smiles inviting
dreaming about the smell of my skin
Dreaming more than I
to dive so deep inside the truth

I am not In, I am not fashion
Lust and disloyalty are shame
So I dont mind to wait for the next search
No I dont, wait again
next nigth, next street
No matter If the ship leaves
Swift and Crash again
just to make me understand
Why am I cursed this way?

Nobody is there.
And Im not surprised
it is being a while since nothing has change
im granted in the same lost game
because the second next world will blow up
any trace of fortune rather than a punishment
Dust in the streets reminds me
so far is Happiness from my hands touch
Yet I am in the race again
and I dont know why
Is because there is something unique about me?
Well, that I am pretty sure
that I have saved some of my innocence
And Innocence always set the fire on
So I own a paradise inside somewhere
And I know I cant lost at the end
because I am the good guy,
In the lifes tale
but it is funny to say so
Because only myself believe this

I have been here, and there
Yet I have not seen a word
talking is painful,
showing love is dead itself
so i walk my way alone
and I know I am the one
No matter what is going to happens next
past does not leads
future is all that counts
do not change
Reborn.

copy rigthed to zen poetry. all rigths reserved zen riley.

DECEPTION

23, SEPTIEMBRE 2005


By Zen Riley

Think of you is pain
think of you is a cup of tea in the morning
and the soft smell coming from toasts
wich mostly I dont wish to hold anymore
and I do..

think of you is like everything rigth
when Im a mess all the time and I enjoy being that way
no matter what criticism start what i do
I know Im fine, I feel I like myself

You know?
It could have been nicer
or even polite
not to try to reversing my manners
you have not realized i cannot be manipulated
not to try to change my insctints
you have not realized sex means so much more to me
not to try to change my style
you have not realized i used to be happy


Think of you is,
like think before speak
holding myslef when I eat the world
between my black eyes and imagination
hiden in the name of love,
what a sacrifice living someone else life
I must say now finally, this isnt me
Im sorry not to please you
honey this time,
Im not the one who stands aside and forgotten

I have seen and taste
places, faces you hate to go
you dont even dare, dont care
that is maybe why Im here alone
siting on my favorite bed corner
looking like Im fine
flying with my eyes
dont tell but I feel,
and what Im feeling rigth now is
deception,deception..


There is a place where the soul is hold
strongly tied to my body
so it assures me breathing, lasting
I see myself
wrestling to break that bound
because my heart is tired
with both hands ropes behind my back
i cannot other but say
your love is the poison that is killing me.

copyrigthed zen poetry, all rigths reserved.

Odd

Here is a dream odd
trying to give hope in the desert

she though she was another girl
other with a life so alike to anybody else`s
fooling herself.
She didnt knew the meaning for lucky
could not stop to cry,
could not made the void disappear
swimming into dark deep water
kept by sadness
People told her she had no right to feeling troubled.

In her bedroom the window was open
so she could see so much wider world.

But inside the tinny window,
when everyone sleeps she can rest and is quiet
no storm, no beatings, nobody screaming loud

Some afternoons she did climb up to the threes
to hear the wind sound over the falling leaves
no threats, no pain, no drinking there

Thats why the leading sound of the silence
made her jump the window off
fooling herself into the newer world
outside, everywhere.

She found ghostly streets,
scary, empty, tricky in here
or in the next corner.
like a shadow she did moved along
starving to the bones, lonely.
the crowd still got laugh of her
they did not knew how to handle the infinite serenity
coming from those eyes

there were days that they talked about her
for a length of time that seemed endless
giving names to this girl like knifes stab on her back
so badly that nobody in the town wanted she
ignored, crucified by the ignorance

Yet she did not had a place to come back
one mistake she will be home again
home in the hell she had

she sat aside the road
staring at her hands for no reason
knowing there were no place to run
no scape, no other window to jump off
not a second chance to live again

But the pain inside her head
was so bitter that she couldnt cry
just feel it exploding inside her
so close to death from the feeling..

And her body changed,
breaking her skin, bleeding around
and so, looking at her hands
she became into a wolve
running into the forest free at last

Many nigths she stare at the moon
as she used to
caressing the silence and silence from nature
fit in perfectly armony
singing at the stars with her wolverine voice

Inside the lies

Trust is to live in a happy dream with someone,
one day you woke up and see the lies

Maybe is just you are sure
what you have no one has reached it
no one can posses but you

the Laughs, the jokes
the funny travels, the dreams built
the lake, the countryhouse in the middle of no where
and the sound of the birds every morning...

Are there, until you wake up
and see closely
and the laughs turns into sadness
and the travels into never ending journeys
the dreams into flying words gone

Then you begin to feel how fake things are
and the time for the two of us
beat inside the head second by second
wishing to have a bed time again
to sleep and forget you will see its face again
tomorrow morning

And you wonder why is you are not feeling
why is that you will never be sensual again
the beautiful princess you were is vanish
berried under the million of dutties
still there..

And the air smells but you cant run away
from your prison
Can step and reach the door
look at the street with all the desire
you can have that moment

and then finally, you must have to close it
and know this isnt over yet..

life wasted

Some lives are a bad time that last an eternity, until each life broke.

In the morning, you may woke up and tell yourself, this luck will change, is only a tinny dark moment. It must be gone tomorrow somehow..

whenever you thougth this is gettin better, this is gettin worse..

its a curse.

A matter to accept there is no tomorrow for the kind of life we dream about. We are no the choosen ones.

Not that life, nor other,
even the very smaller satisfactions seemed to be denied to us

the world ignore and dislike us, and we seemed to have lost the strength to figth back

we seemed to turn weak as the time go by


but the sea is still trowing us back to the shore