It can be as nice as you want it to be

This was a rag doll princess,
who wanted to live a fairy tale of her own,
but failed.
she told herself she was not pretending being a princess,
but yes she was
she had no kingdom at all,
no freedom at all,
no luck at all,
she kept staring at the moon for hope
and watched the field go green with pleasure
with her button eyes, round and plastic
with her sponge filled soul, old in time, holding that many holes..

Why she hated her own nature no body knew
but she did, and after a while she came to realize
 the moon was sad and imprisoned by some sorcery force
and went to hide away from the window
because the misery was all over around her
and there was no place to turn her eyes to

That was the day when the rag doll decided to
remove the thread she had for mouth



Dolls are silents anyway.. Arent they?
they are meant to be played with
They cant cry no matter how hard they try
and they belong to somebody..
the one who rules the fate for good and evil
she was living a secret life.
 
Every morning she convinced herself
the mirror had all the answers
people in the village never talked to her
they seemed affraid sometimes, and others repulsed by
but they wanted to believed she was evil

Them with their stares and faces
with their silence, and arrogance
the people in the village and their hatred
She kept taking some eventually
 a doll toy is a toy, more or less
is not allowed to ever feel

how powerless become
under strange hands,
standing by filthy tongues speaking to her
 whispering sounds
nightmarish words, sounds made to torture...

that was the time when the rag doll
found no use for her wool hair
and she took all of it,

Yes she was a rag doll,
she could take some bruises eventually
because her face was not even close to porcelain
damaged toys are useless, she was told..

As the gloomy sunday was played in the saloon
the rag doll who forever wanted to be a princess
embraced her worthless nature at last
that the final mile she had led to nowhere
"it can be as nice as you want it to be" the words..
she was living a secret life.

 

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Us

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I want to fly
to look at the world from a place where no one can reach me
And most of all, to know where you are
You never knew you left so many broken hearts
Hey, Im  already there
maybe if I find you in the clouds
you wont leave from my side to heaven anymore.

I try to imagine nothing has changed
Hoping you are there still,
with your old rat pack likehood ways
and the sweet sound of your voice on sunday mornings
with your laughter...
How can anyone let go all that happiness?.

You know we said good bye twice
The first one, on a cold and dark morning
I wasnt even allowed to kiss you good bye
but to left without my heart, because you know it belongs to you.

I want to run fast and go far
I will work harder and tireless to pay my stay
in the waiting room that leads to your paradise
I want the life to hurry because I will turn that plane back to you
Im going to go where our home is
do you remember?
it had sweet carnations on the entrance and they smell like home
then you will take me for a walk like we used to
holding my hand and smiling at me like a father
Im going to go where our home is
I can smell your cofee already, hot and steamy
and the sound of your old records playing in the salon
with the big mirrors still hanging from the walls
and their golden shine


I cant wait to go home please wait for me

because Im so tired to wander the earth
Because we were separated too soon
and our hearts were forced to look each other
from very distant places
and the last time, you just lifted your wings and fled to heaven.

Parting

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We have been forced to walk in opposite directions,
It was the rigth time for us, our hearts were willing to met
but the feelings started to burn out the established order
to bother a universe that may have remained untouched
the passion kills love
as curiosity kills the cat because he isnt aware
he is fearless to hunt in far away territories
he is not scare to move miles away
love trace is sweet and mind-blowing, to prey on
 its an unvoluntary reaction to the survival of his basic self
he feeds on love and he will pay a high price in the end

It was the rigth time for us,
our hearts were beating uncontrolably thirsty
we sat together as we stared at each other, we found humanity
that playful cat with a pirate spirit...


He was roaring and excited
hunting and playing with your blue eyes sight
he got caught with the light he was hoping to find
Never notice that blue was colorless, empty and hard to comprehend..
he was a clueless dreamer
hunting fantasies...

It was the right time for us, or thats what  it seemed..
told me lustfully how much wanted me
vehemently wanted to take my body and love me to the end..
Oh how atracted was to the ridiculously fanciful world of mine
told me that and so much more in a time ticking moving too fast
for an impressible and mistrustful wanderer 
cat jumped off, it was his defensive nature,
running to find a hideout going up so high in the sky
ignoring theres no place high enough to run away from feelings.

Curiosity had to follow the feline moves
chase the cat and find him
fulfill the purpose who took it there in the first place
answer a question, clarifiy a deep doubt..
curiosity was interested, then not, then again
if only....

Cat stopped his runnigs ways
curiosity faced the cat so close,
Theire eyes were almost merged into one
he almost got lost in that hypnotic blue lagoon stare
but then again, curisosity found the answer for wich came for
 and the atraction faded, gained reason and became a cold thougth
curiosity would never allowed itself to embrace that wildness
couldnt endure the shadow of a painful truth

I wish you the best, said, im leaving you..

Curiosity kissed his lips with a poison ivy taste
and the cat was dead without putting much figth
Curiosity had killed the cat
had ended a world of dreams made for two
had shattered one and tousands  possibilities
without any remorse, any hope on looking back.

the cat fell into the darkness..
and this time, he wasnt able to land on his feet.

Hope

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It was late dark at night
I was done moving my few possesions back alone again
I moved my fears and hopes and in the end
I was no longer alone in my new state of life
Who was with me?
Who werent with me before?
Picking up my own self from the floor
I was growing wings on my back and a smile on my face.
Yet it was impossible not to be changed
It was impossible left withouth the scar tissue
Several clothes items and meaningless photographs
was all I had left,
15 years of my life were over but it felt like the first day
The day I stabbed myself in order to give life to my body
I murdered my freedom,
and allowed the time to pass me by numb to my surroundings
 Life never explains why points the finger of fate on you,
why you were the one the at the wrong place and time
standing there like a kid does, clueless and innocent
with the bubly laughter of a young soul
the fate of life took your hand and disappeared with you in the night
or maybe saw your face in a crowd and thought it was so easy
prey on this dreamer soul unaware of danger
Oh how simple must had been for life to take this colored butterfly
and leave it in a box to test the power of your survival

I sat there in the end,
asking myself if I can think of this as a beginning or an ending
..
 15 years were erased forever
But I discover that a butterfly
holds the strength to fly through the blow of a winter.

 

Seduction

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Men passion and promises
just a chemical reaction that born in the eyes
the feelings raised from there
have long roots buried inside the ground
The ground has to be a body
a tempting body made of flesh and skin

feelings dont come out from their excited hearts
from the easily bored minds who are always in search
of pleasures everywhere

A battle between the prince and the pirat
knowing that never existed a prince
only the passion hide in the pirat drive
for bodies, bodies made of butterflies

Uglyness

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The uglyness is the stare of the one who thinks is best
the uglyness is the laughter of whom is blind to the power of kindness
the uglyness of the critisism who always see the flaws in everywhere and everything
the uglyness of the pride and predjudice
the uglyness for whom the world is all about what meets the eye
the uglyness of the lying ones and fake hearts
the uglyness of the selfabsorbed only feeding his own needs
the uglyness of the ones who harm the weakest
the uglyness of those who are unable to love or care for others
the uglyness of the broken promises
the uglyness of two sided ones going to betray the trust and loyalty


over all, the uglyness in everyone who hates and prey upon the innocent.

Playing games on the heart

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On the darkest corner i was lay down
I knew I had to dare to dream
you were like perfection
you were perfect, because i liked the way you irony was creating cuts in my heart
I was adicted to the pain you inflicted on me
to your mocking laughter, inexistent empaty
to the blood
the bloody shapes drawn in there with every mean word you said to me

Oh how addicted I was to the despise world you were living in
and I was the one to be left out
caressing every one of your most hurtful blows
In the end it all blew away, It wasnt meant to be
and I was always another game you played in some heart
some heart you didnt recognize as yours
some heart who grew feeding on hopes
and my heart were your drawing playground..

On that darkness corner I raised a vile alter ego
who hated on me, after you
I had nothing to smile for
but the taste of the blood spilled it was great
felt so good, I was at home amused in my own destruction
longing to be push and destroy
I wanted to be hated and get my soul drowned by my own hand

Just about on the last second, I stoped
Refused to let go the last piece of pride I thought I had
In the end, I have nothing but to refuse to talk,
But to cover your eyes with my silence
to distract your atention from my open wound or allowed you to destroy whats been left inside still

 There was nothing left, not even the silence
My heart became this bloody master piece and then my dark side and I became one