Old fashion love

Along several years in my life
I was having love stages
I dont know if there is such a thing
but I felt it that way
in stages and waves love

for start I was standing on worship love
idealization, blindness
taking the challenge to make this reach its perfection.

I was looking through someone else`s eyes
I was thinking with someone else`s brain

ending up with living someone else`s life too.

And when you reach the bottom of self sacrifice
in the holly name of love
and hit the floor with the head
then you got to wake up..

Then horrified, for the first time allowed myself to look at the chains..
to smell the misery of the person I was become
allowed me to accept I may be not that happy..
and I couldnt find a reason, to deserve my own life

I fell into a spiral phase,
sliding to the confusion,
the fear to make a new world for me
the one with oxygen

So wisely, Anthony de Mello`s wrotes the food I starved
To understand I cant put my happines depending on people, and things,
dates, events, excuses. Its not out there..
My heart belongs to me and I cant live without it
so that I must have it, not give it away
If the suffer comes from where Im not the guardian of my own heart
holding pieces of neglect towards myself


happiness lies inside me,
and everything I will ever need,
so there is no sacrifice
Sacrifice was a bad word, that means you do things without love
means that someone suffers.

There is no love without freedom,
no love to grow around fear and pressure

That I have drop the desire for bending reality
for covering my eyes and saying the evil lie:
Im sacrificing for you, my love.